She told me this would happen.
When I started in formation to become a deacon, a dear friend (and nun) warned me that at some point it would "get real." She told me it happens to everybody, as you get closer to final vows (for religious) or ordination (for deacons and priests).
There are classes on it, you talk about it, you think about it (sometimes for years). But one day, the magnitude of what you're about to do actually hits you. Hard.
It happened to me last week. There's no way I can be a deacon, it's just not possible. Not on my own. I know me.
But I'm not supposed to do it on my own. I'm supposed to do it with God. And with God, it is possible. In fact, that's the only way it's possible.
Which is the point of Sunday's first reading (Numbers).
More on this tomorrow. Readings for Sunday